Cleaning Out My Closet

Been struggling to find stuff to write on lately. Absolutely nothing has been happening in my life or nothing that caught my attention. So, I just thought I ll make a few confessions(as the title suggests) and write some #fail stuff as usual.

This title is also the name of an Eminem track. Though I hate hip-hop, I love listening to this dude. I grew up listening to him. Ok, I half grew up listening to him. Today, I hate Hip Hop. With the exception of Eminem.

I hate cricket. Wait, I don’t hate cricket on the whole. I hate T20. I just love sitting one full day in front of the TV watching a Test Match. Sachin played the most amazing innings in recent times the other day against the Oz in the ODI. To all those who thought that ODI cricket is Dead,get a life Losers!

I am a closet Arsenal fan. Loved them at first sight. United is my first love. But Arsenal holds a special place in my heart. Henry, Pires, Bergkamp, Ljunberg. That era was great. Even now, their style of play is unmatched in the EPL.

Back to lameness.

I ve been winning a lot of Online Lotteries these days. So much that I am a multi billionaire now. I dont need to work anymore.

Back to reality.

I ve been WMAO-ing these days. For those unfamiliar with the term, it means Working my @$$ Off.  Our client however was kind enough to forget the DST and have the daily chat at the same time (IST) as before. Which brings me to DST. It is just an excuse for sleeping an hour extra

Facebook is becoming epic fail with the Live feed and News feed. I still haven’t figured out the exact difference between the two. Twitter introduced List. A pretty cool feature. Some of those I follow were talking about how they listed a few guys as “Jerks”. Some jerks have actually created lists named “Beautiful Girls”. Twitter is not Orkut to Friandsheep and Lavsheep girls you morons!

Shifted to Seesmic Desktop at home and Spaz at Office for Tweeting. Now, I am more of a RT-er than a Tweeter.

Currently Tripping on : Baying of the Hounds – Opeth.

Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook,

I dont like your new look. You just took one step or maybe a few more, backwards. A few months ago, I was yet to understand you. You were complicated. I did finally comprehend how you worked. At that time, I disowned my other social networking account. You along with Twitter helped me out relax during the nights when I was back home and looking for company. Now, I dont like you.

I want the Highlights section back. Would you care to explain what a Live Feed and a News Feed is? Why do you derive pleasure in making things complicated for those who Like you? Why do you give trouble to those trying to tell you “What they are thinking/doing” ? Why do you have a problem with people making friends? Why do you give them so much trouble now? Is old age catching up with you? You were perfectly alright till a few days ago. Now, you are even more #fail than the #fail whale and the Donuts.

Please get back to your good old self. Get well soon!

Yours Faithfully

Milcom

PS : I don’t mind if you give trouble to the Farmers, Underworld Dons, Zookeepers, CoffeeShop Owners etc.

Hello Dear

Spam mails are always #fail. Here is a friandsheep/lovesheep proposal that I received in my INBOX today. All my teammates got a similar mail too.

Hi,
My name is Sonia ,am a young girl of 23years old,single and never married before,am 5.7ft tall,Slim stature,open minded,honest,trusted,and caring and just to mention but a little.I hope honesty and trust they say build a strong relationship.That is why I have the confident to write you this brief mail.

Though we have not meet each other before but I have the believe that it takes nothing for one to know one..I will like to hear from you  so that we can get to know better and  would send you my pictures soon as I receive your reply.you can reach me through my email address:soniaphilip3@yahoo.com

I am not of the beauty type but I think I have the beauty of the mind.Feel free and contact me if you are of good and decent origin. I do not care were my kind of friend comes from provided he/she is a decent person.
Please I’m waiting eagerly to see your mail soon.

Remain healthy

Yours Sincerely,
Sonia

There was some text after the mail, which asked, “Tired of spam?“

Total WTF-ness

Hangover Blues

Its the festival season in India. Lots of Holidays have come and gone. A couple or more are still left till the end of the year. The best part about this year was that the festivals fell on Fridays or Mondays on most occasions, which meant enough time to catch up with Old mates and have a blast.

Being Dwali, we did have a BLAST, sans crackers. Two days of partying, hangovers, malls, great food. There ve been a lot of criticism from a few folks on IM asking me, how I could booze on a Festive Day, when we are supposed to worship. My question is, “Which God won’t want his/her creations to be not happy?” So, we partied, boozed, had an awesome time

Two Nights of Beer drinking and two hangovers, due to insufficient water and food intake, I learnt a few lessons. Not to forget the trip to Connaught Place and to Palika Bazaar to roam around and ogle at a few female specimens.

• Beer should be drunk straight from the bottle rather than pouring it into a Mug and then doing the honours.
• The quantity of Booze doesn’t really matter. You can get a high with even a bottle and half of beer, if the ambience is right and you drink it at a fast pace. We had a bottle and half each of beer and still got highs. We played Floyd at high volumes, then we had the fireworks lighting up the sky to add to the psychedelia.
• I did mention Great food, which was in terms of Quality, not quantity. Its not a good idea to live on just beer and Chicken for one whole day. You ll wake up the next day feeling very very weak. I remember taking one of those lame FB quizzes when I was really jobless. It asked what one dirnk and food item would I take to an island to survive with, for the rest of my life. I d answered “Beer and KFC”. Doesn’t sound like a good idea now.
• Some of your friends may drink one day and then, start giving lectures about how one shouldn’t drink, the very next day. Bloody Hypocrites I say!
• Diwali can be celebrated in the most eco friendly way, by doing it the way we did it. Beer meant water conservation. Sitting in the lawn meant no need of Fans/ACs. Candle light meant no power consumption from bulb/tubelights.
• If you see someone wearing a Metal Band Tee, he may not necessarily be a metal head. I was getting this Opeth T-Shirt when a guy came and looked at my selection and said, “Yaar. I haven’t heard about this band. Their name sounds strange. I ll get this T Shirt!”
• When there are good looking chicks and your friend says that he ll click pics of you, don’t listen to him. He ll pretend as if clicking your picture, but the Focus will be somewhere else.

All in all, a great two days. Now back to the grind and Lameness.

Credit Crunch

The world economy is supposedly improving after the recession. And the banks, who had gone silent a few months back have started giving “exciting” offers on Credit Cards. I know its their job, but these Credit Card agents have this uncanny knack of calling just when you are really really busy and bug the hell out of you. I ve been a victim of this and still am. On one such occasion, however, I decided to mess around. And I swear, I didnt make this up!

Agent : Good Afternoon Sir, this is XYZ from ASD bank. I would like to introduce this particular credit card with such and such schemes.

Me : I m not interested in taking a credit card

A : Sir, which bank’s credit card do you possess?

Me : I dont possess any credit cards

A : Sir How do you do your shopping?

Me : I make my payments in liquid cash

A : Sir, don’t you even have a debit card?

Me : Nope

A : Sir, how do you manage?

Me : I dont mind standing in a long queue at the bank to witdraw cash

A : What is your profession?

Me : I am a software developer

A : Sir, how much is your monthly income?

Me : I earn about 5k per month

(Call got disconnected.)

I don’t know if this was a really lame incident. I found it pretty amusing. And yes, I dont possess a credit card.