From being a son to being a father: A year later


Today marks 7 years since you left us. In case it was not obvious, I still miss you. I wish you could have been around to see me where I am at now. I wish you could have been around to guide me when I have faltered. I wish you could have been around to share the joy and laughter that my son, your grandson has been bringing us every day.

I firmly believe that I have done OK being a father. The first year of his life has been a journey of self discovery for us too. I have become a little more generous than I was before. I have become a little more possessive too.

I realize that I was wrong in disagreeing with you about the generosity trait. It’s OK to be generous. It’s OK to let go. It’s OK to see things get broken. It’s OK as long as he doesn’t hurt himself.

The young man has taught me patience too. I’m sure you would have laughed if someone told you that I have become a patient person.

I’m getting to feel things you would have felt when you were seeing me grow up. Seeing him do new things each day, trying to stay on his feet etc bring us a lot of happiness.

I only wish you were around to see this transformation. From a son to a father.

I am told by those who knew you that he looks like you, and has the exact mischievous streak you possessed as an infant. I can only hope that he grows up to be as equal a human being as you were. For now, all I can assure you is that I’ll try my best to take him there.


Weekly Digest : 2018 08-13 to 08-19

Weekly Digest : 2018 08-06 to 08-12

  • The story of the man who dug his own business empire grave.
  • The Reliability Engineering workbook is a fantastic resource for those who want to implement those practices in their team.
  • Marichu Jeevikkunnavar: The talk by Professor C Ravichandran about people who don’t live their lives with rational thinking and just believe what the society tells them.

Weekly Digest : 2018 07-30 to 08-05

Just not good!

It’s said that a skill can be acquired through focused practice and hardwork. “If you put your mind to it, you can reach where you want to be.”, they said. While this may be true, is that how it plays out? Isn’t there always an element of luck, knack for something involved? An innate ability, if you may?

Right from the days I started playing sports, I was always the also ran. I wasn’t fast enough to outrun someone in a game of football. I wasn’t strong enough to bowl fast in cricket, or swing the bat well to hit the ball. I didn’t have the reflexes to dance around a badminton court and return the shuttle cock to the opponent’s court, and on the occasions that I did, not enough skill with placement to make it difficult for them. Indoor games that involved strategy were out of reach as well. Chess? I’ve played and lost to people who were playing for the first time. Monopoly? Went into so much debt that an IRL occurrence would have had me on the streets. Video games followed the same trends. All the difficult levels remained elusive. I was probably the only kid at school who never finished the original Mario game.

All this leaves me with these questions.

  • Is it possible that a person can not improve even to a not so beginner level despite continued effort?
  • Is there an incentive to keep on trying if there is no reward other than enjoyment which also fades away because there’s no chance for you to win?
  • Is there a way to change the mental conditioning of not even trying after a while because you don’t see yourself getting better, should there exist answers in the affirmative for the first two questions?
  • Is accepting that you are “just not good enough” the only way out?