Awareness and Temptation

I was listening to a podcast from the Tolkien Professor about the portrayal of knowledge in the works of Tolkien. While my thought process may have been on an entirely different tangent to what the discussion was about, I arrived at some realizations about my own life.

Many years ago, 12 to be exact, I was perfectly happy even though ignorant. The teenager had very little to complain about life. I could be easily satisfied with a good cheap meal at a tiny restaurant, fresh mangoes off a tree and the water melon season in summer. I was also perfectly happy with the 1 GB of music I had, which I felt enough to last a lifetime.

Internet came into my life and so did travel and moving away form home in search of knowledge and an engineering degree. There was a whole new perspective of the world and a lot of new things to learn about and experience for the taking and each of them coloured my life differently.

The move abroad and the interactions with multi-talented individuals from entirely different upbringings have meant that I’m feeling much inferior and unfortunate than I really should. The lack of meaningful hobbies, a clear lack of in-depth understanding/expertize on anything I have an interest in all show up and take me down instantly, and give me anxiety attacks and a sense of worthlessness, all of which were irrelevant in that tiny world where I grew up. What’s more, the experiencing of all these in small measures also means that there’s a constant desire to experience more of all of these and more in a short span of time which has led to a lot of unhappiness.

The infinite sources of knowledge at my disposal has also let to decision paralysis wherein I’m unsure what I really want to do at this instant and attain mastery over. If only I could hard code into my head that life is a marathon and not a sprint and take it slowly, one thing at a time!


About V
A software developer by profession, Milcom is a football lover and considers music as his religion. While he is not working, he likes reading blogs, listening to music, reading novels or simply sitting idle, in which he is a world champion.

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